“Get your hourglass off my uterus. It’s heavy.”

A co-worker is having a baby.

I’ve been trying to discreetly discover her age, as if that will give me some indication of my time limit.

I go out and my Gramma asks if I met anyone.

“Get your hourglass off my uterus. It’s heavy.”

She laughs…

because I’m fucking funny.

My brother asked if I ever wanted to get married again and have kids…

as he started his stopwatch.


I don’t…


There’s something about the phrase “vaginal lips” that upsets people.


“If you ain’t got two kids by 21, you’re probably gonna die alone.. at least that’s what tradition told you.”

“Tiny little boxes in a row… ain’t what you want, it’s what you know.”

I sing along with the country station.

woman singing

The song wouldn’t be popular were the singer and I the only ones who felt that way.

I’m going to stop feeling like my time is running out…

because it doesn’t have to be get married and have kids.

They aren’t connected moves…


I can do babies alone.

One year, I knew I’d miss the fair if I waited for someone to go with me.

No one wanted to go.

So I went alone.

I had a great time.

I saw what I wanted to see.

I skipped what I wanted to skip.

I left when I wanted to leave.

It was awesome.

happy woman

On the last day, Jay and Ward went with me and it was fun then, too.

Babies are the same.

I can live without ever being married again…

but I want babies.

If I hit 30 with no prospects…

I’ll just have them…

and if a boy comes along later, that’s great…

but I’m not risking my chance for family on said hypothetical man.

I told my country, old-fashioned, blue collar dad as much.


“Good. Other women are weak. You don’t need anyone else.”

Go dad.

Go me.

I imagine looking for love will be a lot more fun now.

broken hourglass

7 thoughts on ““Get your hourglass off my uterus. It’s heavy.”

  1. Oh, honey, if you only knew how RIGHT you have this thing called LIFE!!! You do what you need to do for you, in your own time. And, hell, 25 is spring-chicken territory as far as I’m concerned. I was 38 when I gave birth to our 7th child (my 8th). You go LIVE and HAVE FUN and FUCK HOT MEN and have kids whenever you want to. With whomever you want to. Follow your gut. When it rings true, it’s RIGHT! (I say this, as a fellow, cradle-Catholic, who goes to church on Sunday — well, actually Saturday night, because I don’t like to wake up early.)

    Okay, this cracked me up:
    “There’s something about the phrase “vaginal lips” that upsets people.”
    YEAH, when you say it to your BROTHER!!!! (Eew! Gross!) 😉

  2. this is something I plan to write as well! I’m 27 (I’ll be 28 in a few months) and I get so much pressure from adults/family members in my life! ugh. It’s so frustrating. I did come to the realization recently that it’s not necessary to have kids AND be married. Like you, I know that I don’t need both and I will have kids on my own if I don’t have a man. I’ve learned that I can’t hold my breath. If it happens, wonderful! If not…that’s fine too!

  3. Do you hear that ticking sound? It’s not even your biological clock… it’s a bomb strapped to your uterus by the church that kindly donated our sexual education. Hurry!!!

  4. Pingback: A Discount Store Celebration of My Girl Parts | Belle of the Library

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