“Student” is not a profession!!!! How do you pay your bills?

Just FYI, your girlfriend is in your profile picture.

Starting your profile by insulting everyone who dates online is the least effective way to get responses.

Every woman has felt fat at some point, whether she’s 94 pounds or 294 pounds. Your “no fat chicks” paragraph doesn’t even make me want to be in front of you in a parka, let alone naked.

What’s with the mustache? Are you in porn?

You’re 28? Isn’t that about 7 years over the “flat billed hat” limit?

Your = possesive, You’re = You are

“Swag”?!?! Do your parents know you’re online?

You are not athletic… not even kind of… and that’s fine… as long as you’re self-aware.

Why would you post a picture of yourself with your much more attractive friend? As Gail once said “I’m the Conan O’Brien looking one next to the Brad Pitt looking one.”

Spell out the word “you.” It is three fucking letters.

The caption “friend’s boat” totally just ruined the only redeeming quality of this picture, which was that you appear to have the level of responsibility that comes with money. You should not be shirtless… pretty much ever, in time. Also, you were a douche at the cowboy bar that one time, so I’m fine with being bitchy.

What is with the beret? I didn’t even know they actually made those.

“Isn’t seeking a relationship or any kind of committment”? OH! You just want me to know what you taste like. Gotcha.

Where is your shirt? It’s January.

Haha. Yeah, I’m not reading all of that.

I live at home. That’s what home is. You live at your parent’s home.

I hope you’re lying about your profession if you can’t even spell it.

Ugh. Even if I were looking for an “intimate encounter,” it would not be with a man who uses the word “pussy”.

You were 26 on the day I was born.

You’re 19 and I’m not Demi Moore.