Textersation Tuesday

 

Halo 5 came out today. When you’re single, you don’t even know that more than one Halo exists.
10-27-15 2

I interviewed for, and was passed up for, another full time librarian position. Gail tried to say the right thing…

10-27-15

I texted Jake the news, as well. He texted back once and called twice. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I didn’t want to interrupt his video game fun with attempts to console his girlfriend in a dramatic mood, so I let it go to voice mail as I randomly wailed into my frozen pizza. Sigh. Here’s hoping that I’ll read this in a year and smile, because it all turned out okay, just as I’ve been doing with last year’s terrible date stories.

Textersation Tuesday

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7-7-15

Textersation Tuesday

5-11-15 1

We have not yet reached the Panini Press Owning stage of life.

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We have, however, surpassed the I’m Moving to Hollywood stage of life.

Textersation Tuesday

04-28-15 2We are the cool kids.

04-28-15 1 I’m about 80% sure he didn’t get that pun.

Textersation Tuesday

… also known as “Funny Shit I Found in My Phone.”

Best friends never forget… ‘cept Gail. She forgets everything.

04-15-15

They never judge.

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They read porn together.

04-15-15 3

They watch porn together.

4-15-15 5

I’m pretty sure, however, that step-sisters don’t… which is why I mailed the porn to her.

4-15-15 4

Textersation Tuesday

True friends know to cover sadness with humor. 02-17-15

Textersation Tuesday

I’m thankful for…

my voice of reason.

11-25-14 1

 

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11-25-14 3

 

Textersation Tuesday

It still counts, as long as I get it in before midnight.

I almost never get sick. It happens maybe twice a year, but when it does, it’s always an exotic plague. In fact, one of the few things that brings me any joy during these times is using my few waking hours to come up with ridiculous hyperbolic statements about my health… and also, watching Hocus Pocus on repeat. That last one may just be in general.

Me: “We’re going to watch… wait for it… HOCUS POCUS!!!! Aren’t you EXCITED?!?! ‘Twist the bones and bend the back…'”
Gail: “So, it’s your birthday and you want to do… the same thing you do every other day of the year. Shocker.”

sick 09-18-14

sick 09-17-14

Textersation Tuesday

08-21-14

This one requires a disclaimer. Gail and I are both extremely pro-breastfeeding. That’s their friggin’ purpose. I don’t even care if I catch a glimpse of your nipple in public, as long as it’s because you’re feeding your baby and not using him as a prop to make a point, which seems to be a prevalent attitude these days. Gail knows this, so I didn’t have to qualify my whopping exaggeration of “most women” to her.

fight

08-25-14

08-27-14

Textersation Tuesday

Gail has discovered that she still has the phone numbers for all of the douche bags she’s dated…

textersation Tuesday 6-24-14

I love her to death, but that girl will argue about the silliest things.

During our Netflix binge…

Me: “I still say that, in that town, the sex trafficking cop wasn’t all bad.”
Gail: “I think you’re speaking in word salad.”
I actually thought she didn’t realize what I meant.
Me: “The whole town is corrupt. He’s just your average Joe at this point… only he’s hot and he has power.”
Gail: “I really don’t think you’re saying the words you mean to say.”
Me: “So it’s a wee bit of sex trafficking. There were worse options. Everyone has flaws. I think I could overlook it.”
Gail: No really… you’re not saying the words you mean to say.”

You try and think out of the box for one villain…

Me: “I know you’re not caught up on The Walking Dead yet, but when you get there, just consider this. The Governor? He got shit done.