Textersation Tuesday

 

Halo 5 came out today. When you’re single, you don’t even know that more than one Halo exists.
10-27-15 2

I interviewed for, and was passed up for, another full time librarian position. Gail tried to say the right thing…

10-27-15

I texted Jake the news, as well. He texted back once and called twice. I couldn’t bring myself to answer. I didn’t want to interrupt his video game fun with attempts to console his girlfriend in a dramatic mood, so I let it go to voice mail as I randomly wailed into my frozen pizza. Sigh. Here’s hoping that I’ll read this in a year and smile, because it all turned out okay, just as I’ve been doing with last year’s terrible date stories.

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Textersation Tuesday

Compliment accepted…

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That time I dated Ron Swanson…

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fishing-relaxes-me

Textersation Tuesday

Gail read about my mouse problem

6-16-15 4

… but she has some problems of her own.

6-16-15 3

When a girl from high school got pregnant after trouble conceiving, I excitedly offered to make her a gift. She essentially responded with “Thanks, but no thanks” and immediately posted pictures of pricey and pretentious baby items she wants.

6-16-15 1

Karol had an offer of her own.

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I figured we could trade favors.

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Textersation Tuesday

5-11-15 1

We have not yet reached the Panini Press Owning stage of life.

5-11-15 2

We have, however, surpassed the I’m Moving to Hollywood stage of life.

Textersation Tuesday

… also known as “Funny Shit I Found in My Phone.”

Best friends never forget… ‘cept Gail. She forgets everything.

04-15-15

They never judge.

04-15-15 2

They read porn together.

04-15-15 3

They watch porn together.

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I’m pretty sure, however, that step-sisters don’t… which is why I mailed the porn to her.

4-15-15 4

Textersation Tuesday

True friends know to cover sadness with humor. 02-17-15

Textersation Tuesdays

What I’ve been up to since the Internet broke…

… besides crying on the living room floor and talking to the cable guy. True story.

Gail and I talked about our feelings…

02-10-15 1

… discussed literature (Rich Dad, Poor Dad)…

02-10-15 2

 

… and shared cooking tips.

02-10-15 3

Textersation Tuesday

12-23-14 2

My sense of self-preservation is external.

12-23-14 3

12-23-14 4

So, apparently, is my conscience… like Pinocchio’s.

12-23-14 1
However, I take for granted how awesome it is that we have an age difference of less than six weeks.

12-23-14 5

Textersation Tuesday

It still counts, as long as I get it in before midnight.

I almost never get sick. It happens maybe twice a year, but when it does, it’s always an exotic plague. In fact, one of the few things that brings me any joy during these times is using my few waking hours to come up with ridiculous hyperbolic statements about my health… and also, watching Hocus Pocus on repeat. That last one may just be in general.

Me: “We’re going to watch… wait for it… HOCUS POCUS!!!! Aren’t you EXCITED?!?! ‘Twist the bones and bend the back…'”
Gail: “So, it’s your birthday and you want to do… the same thing you do every other day of the year. Shocker.”

sick 09-18-14

sick 09-17-14